What made the difference? How did I gain that kind of confidence? I’m sure age and maturity helped, but there was one difference-maker that rises above all the rest: I determined that when I spoke I would do so with God’s authority, not mine. I decided I wouldn’t stand up in front of people and share my own opinions or bestow my own wisdom. Rather, I would ground what I say in the Bible.
I am not, by nature, a person who has a lot of self-confidence. Quite the opposite, really. I care far too much about what other people think about me and concern myself far too much with looking good in their eyes. I can torment myself with shame and regret for little foibles and miscues, imagining what people are thinking, what they are saying to one another. For that reason I have spent much of my life trying to be unnoticed.
As a child I put great effort into trying to determine the seat in the classroom that was least conspicuous and would require the least eye-contact with the teacher. I did all I could to get out of situations that would put me before other students. I avoided plays and presentations and anything else that would make people notice me. It probably all bordered on a kind of neurosis. And it continued unabated into my teens and twenties.
That was then. Today I can usually stand in front of a group of people and do so with a pretty significant degree of confidence. I can stand in front of thousands of people (which is actually quite easy) or before a tiny group of people (which is far tougher) to speak, preach, or answer questions.