Tony tells me, “I’ve given up. I can’t keep fighting.” He’s discouraged and worn out from his decade-long porn addiction.

A few days later, Lisa walks into my office. “I’m addicted to pornography, and I’ve lost all hope. God doesn’t seem to care.” She doesn’t know what to do anymore.

Tony and Lisa are weary soldiers who have spent years in a hard-fought battle against porn addiction. They’re infected with a defeatist attitude that results in a passive approach to their sin. “What’s the use?” they think. “I’ll just give in again. I won’t ever defeat this problem.” They assume that they’ll always struggle. Change is no longer possible. Their lack of success proves (in their minds) that they’re in a losing battle.

What do believers do if they’ve given up? How do they overcome the defeatist attitude that’s so characteristic of this problem?

Be Aggressive About Cutting Off Access Points

Hope often begins when the addict finds success in slowing down the addiction.

The first step is to be brutal about cutting off access points. Jesus tells us not to be passive about sexual sin. Our Lord uses graphic language to communicate the seriousness of getting rid of sexual sin: “If your right eyes causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away…If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away” (Matt. 5:29-30).

Strugglers do a poor job getting rid of access points. They cut out most access points, but they leave one or two lingering. Why is that? They’ve grown far too cozy with their sin and let it stick around. What happens in a weak moment when Tony is ruled by his lustful desires? Because he’s given up, he’ll give in to his desires, and he’ll act out yet again.

Jesus says to Tony, “Be radical. By my power and my strength, get rid of every access point. Don’t leave any behind.”

A defeatist attitude grows comfortable with sin. A gospel mindset is aggressive about cutting sin out.

Deal With the Shame

Shame causes a struggler to hide. Shame whispers in an addict’s ear: Run. Don’t let people see you. You’re worthless. Who would want someone like you? Sexual sin prospers in the darkness, not in the light. Mold grows in darkness, but it dies under the bright, hot sunlight. So also, sexual sin prospers and grows as a believer isolates himself and turns away (Prov. 18:1) from the provision of God’s people (Eph. 4:15-16) and God’s Word (Isa. 55:10-11).

If you struggle with porn, do you feel dirty and unclean? Have you been exposed? Do you act like an outcast? Do you feel rejected? Do you wallow in a sense of failure?

Hope comes when you turn away from the whispers of shame and run headlong to Christ. Jesus covers the naked and exposed (Zech. 3:3-5). He makes the unworthy and unclean clean (Matt. 8:1-3). He welcomes the outcast with open arms (John 4). He gives you a righteousness that’s not your own (2 Cor. 5:21), so you don’t have to live under your own unreasonable standards.

A defeatist attitude wallows in shame. A gospel mindset begs Christ for mercy.