The Rev. Michael Keller, who grew up in Manhattan and who leads the Reformed University Fellowship City Campus ministry at Redeemer, said New York’s commodified approach to sex makes life more difficult for the abstinent. “If everyone else is using sex as something to consume, you will too,” he said.
Trinity Laurel moved to Manhattan at 21 to pursue a modeling career. Raised in a Christian home, Laurel was a virgin when she reached the city, and says she has “remained pure” while living here since.
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Not all of her friends can relate.
“They’re like, ‘How do you do that?’ ” Laurel, now 28, said. “People are almost fascinated.”
Welcome to New York, Tim Tebow. Now that the Jets have broken training camp and Tebow, a famous chaste Christian, becomes a full-time New Yorker, it has become a common, and mildly amusing, pastime to fret about the temptations he might face or the potential loneliness he might suffer.
But Laurel’s story, and the stories of other abstinent singles in New York, suggest that he will have plenty of company, and prospective dates. Indeed, Tebow may be better positioned for a chaste life than other New Yorkers, simply because he did not spend his early 20s in the city.
“Twenty-four is a really tough age,” Laurel said. “You’ve been out of college a couple of years. You’ve had some fun.” That’s when a sense of isolation can set in, she said, and erode one’s devotion to chastity.
A representative for Tebow, who recently turned 25, said Tebow was not available for comment.
Other current and former abstinent New Yorkers said age was less a factor than other elements.
“If you make it to New York and you’re a virgin, you’ve still got a high percentage chance of maintaining the V-card,” said Conor Dwyer, 29, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who married in June after meeting his future wife in Manhattan. “But if you’re on the fence, it’d be really hard.”
One challenge, Dwyer and others said, is that abstinent singles can struggle to find close friends who empathize with their situation.
“When my friends found out I was planning on waiting until I was married, I got laughed at quite a bit,” said Miki Reaume, a Christian and former Rockette at Radio City Music Hall who lived in New York for nine years before marrying in 2010.
When she dated non-Christians, Reaume said, the topic would usually arise on the third date.
“And then the relationship ended,” she said.
Not surprisingly, there are no entirely reliable statistics on the number of abstinent New Yorkers, and researchers and religious leaders interviewed for this article declined to offer estimates. Nationally, though, premarital abstinence is not common. A study released in 2006 by the Guttmacher Institute, which is based in Manhattan, said that by age 30, 93 percent of respondents had had premarital sex.
Based on New York’s reputation, one might expect to find even fewer abstinent singles here. Then again, the city is long removed from its Sodom-on-the-Hudson heyday, before former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani’s quality-of-life initiative relegated sex shops, X-rated cinemas and their patrons to the city’s hinterlands.
That shift coincided with the rise of evangelical Christian ministries like Redeemer Presbyterian Church and Hillsong Church NYC, among others, whose vast congregations draw from the full range of New York’s demographics.
Still, the city is a far cry from Provo, Utah.
The Rev. Michael Keller, who grew up in Manhattan and who leads the Reformed University Fellowship City Campus ministry at Redeemer, said New York’s commodified approach to sex makes life more difficult for the abstinent. “If everyone else is using sex as something to consume, you will too,” he said.