Do You Love Your Friends Enough to Hurt Them?

God’s Word teaches that open rebuke is better than hidden love, though. James 5:29states, “Let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.” We are told in the first verse of Galatians 6: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.”

Most of us know the popular slogan “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” It’s a simple phrase that’s been around since the early 80s. With just a few words, the phrase carries much meaning. The subject, “friends,” shows that we’re talking about people who care. What do these friends do? They don’t let their friends drive drunk.

Why would they step in to stop this behavior? Is it because they’re hateful and arrogant? Is it because they’re judgmental people who need to mind their own business? Are they controlling people who want everyone to act like them? No. True friends stop their friends because driving drunk can be destructive and life-ending. A friend who truly cares will do what they can to stop this from happening.

When we think of using our words in our friendships with believers, we often think of Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” What are words that build up? Does that mean we only speak “positive” words? Does that mean we only say things that will be well received and make the person feel good?

Tucked away in the midst of many wise sayings, Proverbs 27:5-6 gives us some insight: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

Open Rebuke is Better than Hidden Love

In our culture, someone who speaks against a person’s behavior is seen as hateful, while the one who keeps his words to himself is praised as a loving person. Unfortunately, this understanding has crept into the church as well. Our individualism has set up walls that even our Christian friends dare not cross.

Asking someone how their job is going is acceptable, even praiseworthy. But asking someone about a sin in their life is considered “crossing the line,” and the solution is to “mind your own business.”

Admonishing others is difficult, and we can easily talk ourselves out of doing it. We tell ourselves that it won’t work or that what they are doing is “not that bad.” At times, we’re guilty of underestimating the destructive power of sin.

The Destructiveness of Sin

Sin is a destructive cancer. It kills and destroys. It takes good relationships and tears them apart. It takes peaceful situations and makes them divisive and chaotic. It takes individuals made in the image of God and leads them down a path of everlasting destruction.

If we don’t understand the destructiveness of sin, we’ll never see the need to lovingly rebuke our friends. If we think they are just “choosing a different path,” we might keep quiet, but if we see they are on a path to destruction, perhaps that will motivate us to speak up. Someone who doesn’t believe drunk driving is that dangerous might let their friend do it, but someone who recognizes the danger will try to stop them at all costs.